The One Thing I Never Noticed About Jackie O’s Shoes

If it wasn’t enough that the spousal-unit recently bought me the new Prince Charles biography (Prince Charles: The Passions and Paradoxes of an Improbable Life—I highly recommend it), there is a new memoir about my idol Jackie Kennedy by her long-time assistant Kathy McKeon. Her name didn’t ring a bell despite the (at least) eight books I own about the late Mrs. Kennedy, but whatever. It is titled Jackie’s Girl: My Life With the Kennedy Family and it sounds like an interesting read.

So. The one thing I never noticed about Madam Onassis’s shoes … she had a quarter-inch lift affixed to one heel on each pair of her shoes because one of her legs was shorter than the other (I think that’s fairly common, if not universal, among people). I must ask my friend Amy about this—when she worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, she assisted in curating Jackie Kennedy: The White House Years (yes, I am envious!).

I have used these two photos as avatars in the past … no lie, the spousal-unit asked when and where the left one of me was taken; an friend said I looked cute in the right. Mind-blowing (and flattering) that people close to me mistook photos of my idol for photos of me!

Vanity, Thy Name Is BeeKay

“Where in the hell did that hemorrhoid cream go?”  Words I NEVER thought I’d ever utter in my entire lifetime … but I read somewhere it does wonders for puffy eyes, so thought I’d give it a shot.

Now I can’t find it.

And my undereyes are puffy as all get out.  The medical term is “periorbital edema” and is a side effect of chemotherapy, among other things (getting older probably being one of those other things).  NO, I am not currently undergoing treatment for cancer so please just calm down.  I just remembered that term from my days in oncology medical communications.

I am just a vain, vain broad.  You should see my bathroom.  I’m a sucker for every lotion, potion and concoction that is said to combat under-eye circles/laugh lines/red skin/dry skin.  I have mascaras that are supposed to lengthen, thicken, chub-up, or darken my eyelashes, and lipglosses to make my teeth look whiter.  Whitening pre-brush rinse?  Check.  Whitening toothpaste?  Check.  Whitening BOOSTER?  Check.  There’s also a “pulse machine” (shut up) that you are supposed to use under your eyes to “massage” dark circles and under-eye puffiness away.  I have yet to see if it works.

My bathroom is chock full of various cellulite treatments (hardly used), blackhead removal strips (never used), tubes and tubs and bottles and boxes of facial products (many of which have expired).  I have tons and tons and TONS of makeup that I received from Clinique giveaways (spend $35 and get a cosmetic bag full of goodies – oh, yeah, I have tons of empty cosmetic bags too), as well as makeup that I tried owing to excellent reviews in beauty and fashion magazines (curse you, Allure magazine, for this and having Kim Kardashian on your cover at least TWICE now).

In my shower, and in a rack by my shower, you will find shampoos, conditioners, mousses, gels and hairsprays promising to thicken baby-fine hair (which I have) or make color-treated hair glossy …  Suave just came out with a line of product containing Moroccan argan oil and trust me when I tell you IT FREAKING WORKS: http://www.suave.com/moroccan-infusion/argan-oil-products/default.aspx – I’ve had it for a week and already notice a difference – let’s just say that the glare of sunshine off my hair would be enough to blind you, and my split ends seem to have bid me adieu.

I have an online friend who uses old cosmetics in her artwork … she’s about to receive one hell of a care package in the days to come!  Jerri, keep an eye out on your mail (that is, if the USPS doesn’t “misdirect” it.  But that’s another story for another time …).